Recently I stumbled onto an article from our local President of Toastmasters. It read as follows:
I recently attended a wedding at which traditional toasts were given by the best man and maid of honor. The core messages were great, but their nervousness got the best of them. I recall one particular best man a few years ago who must have told the groom how much he loved him at least thirty times within a two minute span.
All these individuals have two things in common; they desire to express sincerity and want to speak from the heart. But are their sentiments always heard? Guests generally try to overlook the nervousness, the filler words, and even disjointed sentences. After all, for most, they are just thankful it isn’t them in the limelight! But it doesn’t have to be an uncomfortable experience for the speaker, the bridal party, or their guests.
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “ What you do speaks so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.” I’ve certainly been to weddings where toasts and speeches were well done, when the audience heard the sincerity of the address without being distracted by unpreparedness, poor non-verbal communication, or worse yet, someone who has already done a bit too much celebrating.
What sets apart great toasts from the mediocre is preparedness, practice, and, professionalism. Know what you are going to say at least a week before the event. Write out what you are going to say word for word. Have someone read it to you out loud, assuring it makes sense to you. Edit your talk by eliminating all unnecessary words. Finally internalize your message so it has the best effect for your intended listeners. Leave your written speech with the bride and groom as a memento; chances are you won’t need it.
Another Toastmaster Tidbit, by Paul F. Arnhold ACS, ALB
While I agree with his comments. I couldn’t help but ask myself how that poor guy at the wedding felt when delivering his toast. Maybe he never had a speech class or joined a local toastmasters group. Maybe he had fear of speaking in public?
Fact is, not everyone is going to be ready and able to deliver a wedding toast effectively, with relevance, emotion, and impact. It’s also try the audience may not be “judging” those people.
All too often the same thing happens at other wedding receptions. Toasts gone bad should be a YouTube channel or something because they are out there. I couldn’t help but think that scenario COULD have been prevented.
My immediate thought was “who” was the person responsible for helping this person to make sure his toast was well received. Was it the cake lady? The venue manager? The Bride and Groom? None. However, if anyone is in a position to “set the stage” for what is to play out it would be the Master of Cermonies. His/Her job is to “guide, direct, and inform”. That means “directing” the toaster what he needs to do and how he or she can do it effectively.
As a full-time Master of Ceremonies I have done this many time with those scheduled to offer a toast. So with that I felt this was a good time to share some of the knowledge I’ve gained about toasting. Here goes…
First, anyone doing a toast should pick the book “Wedding Toasts Made Easily” from Tom Haibeck. He gives some great pointers on how to deliver an effective toast.
Practice
This is the obvious one. As any Toastmaster knows, delivering a speech requires practice. And preparation is the real key. Write down what you are going to say, and PRACTICE it. If needed, practice it over and over, and over…. Because the more you practice the better able you are to deliver without nervousness because you will always be thinking “I’ve done this before”.
Position
It’s good to know WHERE you will be standing relative to the person you are giving the toast to. Should you stand in front of them, next to them or behind them? It depends on room layout but most professional speakers would say next to them. So stay in tune with positioning. Look around the room, smile, and convey the message in a meaningful way.
Notes
I always suggest NOT using note cards to read off from as it tends to give guests the idea you aren’t genuine, that you are “reading cue cards”. Well if you are David Letterman or Billy Crystal that’s okay, because they have years of experience reading cards and delivering like it is genuine and not read. But for anyone doing a toast for the first time its critical not to sound like you are reading.
Other things to consider include having a predefined time for the toast, holding the microphone properly, and definitely do NOT drink beforehand. Liquid courage is not your friend.
Any person doing a toast should know they are among friends. It’s not a Stafford University speech. It’s a conversation about the people they love. The more rehearsed, the more organized, and the more heartfelt, the more positive it will be received.
